5-4-3-2-1: Increasing Your Presence
Several months ago, a fellow coach just briefly shared a side comment with me at a training session we were both attending. We were talking about presence and how important it is in coaching. “Oh, it’s like the 5-4-3-2-1 thing,” she said. “Five things you see, four things you feel, you know...” Although it wasn’t something I’d heard of before, I instantly understood what she was talking about. It turns out to be a very simple and approachable way to begin being more present in your life.
Why do you want to be more present? When you are truly present, you can be fully engaged in what is happening right now. You are tuned in. Other thoughts and emotions are not distracting you. Your ego is paused, and you are authentic. You are more effective in your work, your relationships and whatever you might be doing. You are also happier as you find yourself in “flow” - or as athletes would say, “in the zone” - more frequently.
This tool is very easy to remember, simple to operate and useful any time and any place you happen to be. Let’s give it a try...
The first step is to just let go of the idea that you are trying to be present and that you have to try harder if it’s not working. There’s nothing to “get right” here - you can go out of order, mix up the numbers, do more, do less - it makes no difference. Just let go the whole idea of doing it correctly.
Now, take a breath - deep or shallow (again, it doesn’t matter) - and look around. Notice five things. They could jump out because they are colorful or because they are moving or large or for any reason. Simply notice and appreciate them - don’t try to think about them, judge them or associate them with something - just notice them… But wait... if you do evaluate, judge or associate these things you see, that’s okay too! Just notice that you’re thinking about the thing, and gently steer yourself back to the exercise.
The next step is to breath again and then feel... maybe the clothes against your skin, coolness or warmth of air passing across your cheek, the pressure of the position in which you’re seated, the ache of a sore muscle, or the roughness of your own fingertips. Just feel four things.
Moving on through the exercise, you can go on to hear three things, smell two things and taste one thing. The pattern is that simple. I can’t stress enough that it doesn’t matter if you get the order correct or that you feel more than four things, can’t taste anything today or whatever. The point of this exercise is the deep focus that it brings to your current state.
Try doing this a few times a day and notice the peace that it brings to you immediately after. And if you don’t feel peaceful immediately, that’s fine too. It doesn’t always work, but even when it doesn’t work, it works.
How will you know it’s working? After a while of practicing this several times a day, you might start to notice that you’re sometimes connecting with people a little more deeply. You might hear friends or colleagues thank you for listening a little more often. You might notice that you spend a little more time and enjoy the conversation with the barista at the coffee shop. It is difficult to measure this strictly on your own, so do not be discouraged if you don’t know it’s working, and continue to do it anyway.
As with any tool, you should play with it, keep trying it for a while and then change it up when it gets comfortable. Also remember that you don’t use a hammer for every job. However, you should always have one with you, and it definitely comes in use from time to time even when your toolbox is full of other useful gadgets.
Being deeply present is a fundamental quality of the coaching relationship because it creates an environment where a client can be heard and understood, where trust is created and where new awareness can be cultivated. For some people, the kind of presence and listening that a coach provides is a new experience and can lead to intense personal awareness and growth.
